Analyzing Family Dynamics with 16 Personality Types
One of the most intriguing and valuable applications of the 16 personality types and intertype relationships is analyzing family dynamics, including relationships between partners, children, grandparents, and aunts, among others.
As I mentioned in one of my previous notes, for all the staunch critics of psychological typologies—even if the interpretations are sometimes inaccurate or the overall approach lacks valid metrics—it’s crucial to acknowledge the existence of distinctly different psychological types. Instead of creating unnecessary negativity around this evolving field, which requires research participation or at least a neutral stance, criticism should be constructive.
By accepting that people have fundamentally different psychological types, we take the first step. The next logical step is to recognize that understanding these differences can help explain the nature of conflicts within families and enable us to build better relationships with others. This means the endless drama between spouses, parents, and children is not an inevitable part of family life.
This concept might seem unbelievable to those who have never experienced a relationship with a compatible partner or studied the basics of the 16 personality types. Learning the foundations of personality type theories—any theory, really—ultimately leads to the realization that people are different and each type requires a unique approach. This understanding is a fundamental skill for anyone aiming to live a conscious, mindful life, as opposed to the instinctual, biological interactions that dominate society today. The semblance of civilization in our predominantly animalistic societal interactions is provided by legal systems and enforcement agencies. However, calling such a foundation a basis for conscious relationships in society is laughable at best.
Despite all attempts to create harmonious communities using the latest scientific advancements and even big data analysis, ignoring the differences in psychological functioning has paradoxically led us nowhere. Just turn on the news to see the proof.
Researchers in socionics have been trying to convey the remarkable effectiveness of the patterns in personality type interactions, but their voices remain faint. While society is still preparing to accept personality typologies and structural neurophysiology as essential parts of the school curriculum, let’s consider how relationship dynamics can develop in two scenarios: a couple who met randomly on a dating site and a couple who considered type compatibility before committing.
I’ve written extensively about extremes—“ideal” relationships and “conflict” relationships. However, there are 14 other types of relationships between personality types. For examples, let’s look at:
LSI - ILE (Controlled Relationships) (ISTJ - ENTP)
Power Dynamics in Controlled Relationships:
The strongest psychological function of the Controller aligns with the weakest and most sensitive component of the Controlled. This means that the Controller's strong informational output constantly overwhelms the Controlled, placing them in a dependent, subordinate position. On the flip side, the Controlled’s strongest function corresponds to a similarly strong, though less creative, element in the Controller. The Controller’s lack of creativity in this area helps neutralize the informational input from the Controlled. This dynamic leads the Controller to acknowledge the Controlled’s talents but not fully appreciate or utilize them.
Areas of Influence:
In controlled relationships, the Controller’s dominant functions overshadow the Controlled’s abilities. The Controlled can effectively influence the Controller in areas where the Controller feels a need for information, showing susceptibility and even seeking input. However, these areas often hold little interest for the Controlled, making sustained influence challenging. The Controlled struggles to maintain impactful engagement, leading to frustration and emotional strain.
Emotional Impact:
The Controller’s inability to provide the needed support to the Controlled often results in criticism rather than understanding. This leads to the Controlled feeling frustrated and psychologically dependent on the Controller. Over time, the Controller’s focus on the Controlled’s weaknesses can create a deeply antagonistic relationship, with the Controlled constantly feeling undermined and devalued.
Romantic and Familial Consequences:
In romantic or familial relationships, the constant presence of a Controller can be highly detrimental to the Controlled. The Controlled often feels perpetually confused and frustrated, leading to significant psychological distress. These relationships are prone to conflict and can often end in separation or divorce. Controllers may seek relationships for the pleasure of control, while the Controlled may lack the strength to resist, resulting in unhealthy dynamics. This can create a sadomasochistic relationship, where the Controlled is perpetually subordinated and the Controller exercises dominance.
Parent-Child Dynamics:
When the Controller is a parent, the situation can be even more severe. The child, as the Controlled, has no escape from the constant control and may experience intense psychological pressure. If the child is the Controller, the situation is less harmful but still challenging, as the child may struggle with balancing control within the family dynamic.
SEI - SLE (Mirage Relationships) (ISFP - ESTP)
Mutual Perception:
Both partners are firm in their beliefs and think their opinions are irrefutable. They’re both skeptical and have a tendency to be pessimistic. Each has their own set of strategic goals and tasks, which shape how they build their relationship. Initially, their goals aren’t clear, and their interactions are somewhat abstract and idealized. They court each other, trying to show their best sides.
Courting Phase:
During this phase, each partner shows off their impeccable taste, practicality, and ability to care for the other. They see in each other the qualities they highly value in people and in themselves.
Pleasant Interaction:
This pleasant sensory interaction arises from the relaxing and mutually activating support they provide each other through logical and ethical aspects. The SLE is attracted to the SEI’s responsiveness and warmth, and their desire to create a festive, upbeat atmosphere. The SEI admires the SLE’s practicality and business acumen, feeling protected and confident with them.
Start of Conflicts:
Problems begin almost immediately after the wedding. The inherent contradictions in their personalities start to surface as both partners strive for their ideal and resist leaving the pleasant state of harmony they initially found. They start blaming each other for various issues and mistakes.
Different Views on Life:
The SEI helps the hyperactive SLE to relax, but the SLE begins to feel uncomfortable with this level of relaxation, viewing it as dangerous. This leads to mutual accusations: the SEI accuses the SLE of destroying harmony, while the SLE can’t understand why the SEI wants them to relax and “sleep.”
Struggle for Influence:
The SLE tries to control the situation by implementing strict measures of economy, but the SEI disagrees with this approach. This leads to arguments and conflicts that are hard on both partners. The mutual grievances only deepen the misunderstanding and estrangement.
Final Stages of the Relationship:
Over time, both the SEI and the SLE become disillusioned with each other. They stop seeing the qualities they once admired in their partner. Each begins to view the other as incompetent and untrustworthy.